2/11/11

limbo

el Limbo, when will I move out from here?
it catches me y nunca me parece soltar,
bad decisions, once again ... how much hate is around here.
my bad, I shouldnt try to cheat myself. But your love is there, right the corner of all my hope.
it tastes so good, it seems so real ...but how far are u able to go?
it hurts me, cause I know your "everything" is not enough at all for me.
it's not your fault ... you're the greatest man of this world, miamor
but you are still a young, young, too young ...
the problem: I can't stop to love you.
you are so beautiful, esa cara tuya y esa dulzura en tu amabilidad con la que hablas con los demás.
the way how you hold me, it makes me feel like I really dont wanna go anywhere.
Eres el hombre que quiero ver en todas mis mañanas,
you're the man who I wanna see every night,
pero tú eres tan joven y yo no sé hasta cuándo podré esperarte crecer.
Im tired to being afraid, I gotta go the place donde mis alas puedan abrirse
y ser yo, otra vez.

thanks for your love and every single moment when you made me feel alive. Please take care of yourself and dont waste your time doing any stupid things. You know that u are much better than everyone. Do your best for your life, make your mom feels proud of her favorite son.

Lima is waiting for me. Im so sorry for saying goodbye by this way.
Im sorry... but I need to do things for myself, those things that nobody in US couldn't do for me.

Adios, pai ... goldo, ..., Alejandro, Mi amor!
Maybe we will find each other in a better situation than now.
I love you!




17/7/10

room 25

I'd been here for almost a year ...
and yesterday when I woke up at 6am I coudn't find a good reason to do this,
every day is almost the same,
trying to get english skills,
giving pinto beans to these fat guys,
and feeling sheets between my fingers...every morning , every evening

the wine is my best friend in this town,
and I have a gay friend who makes me laugh,
he doesnt know anything about Woodstook 69,
and for his fault I like one song of Lady Gaga.

in the room number 12 lives "the boy with a storm in his side"
as the smith's song ... he has more than 20 caps,
I think he's trying to hide his thinkings ...

Hey... stop it ... I told you that I hate to be asked
when I dont know the answers of ur questions,
"why this? why that" it's not your business .. because is my life ...
Sorry, mom ... I didnt call you for a while ...
It's like Im so dumb ... when Im focused in something, I just forget the rest of this world.

My heart is running too fast these last days,
but it seems like if you dont want to run,
... hey man, don't give those eyes in that way,
that I gonna beat my head agaisnt the door again,
why I need to drink to start to talk a lot.

Estes Park sucks,
and The Kellies sucks too when you are not running around,
Im tired of the same clauns trying to look that they're doing cool,
this crazy guy told me "try to find him in the brigde, I think he lives there"
but it was too late, this river took you away ...
let's to play music in the wheel bar,
let's to dance a 70's sound
my work partners said that he is too ugly,
then I said "if you have blonde hair and blue eyes that doesnt mean that you are handsome"
they just know to follow what the television says

mr. kenshin plays a lot of good music in his blue car,
it's awsome how I could find him and his good taste,
watching Dragon Ball Z, eating something in the same plate,
we dont need to smoke weed to have fun...
I think I gonna let me fly ...
lies, I already flew .. I already flew ...

My friend Willi is calling me,
such lier, he invented all his life's history,
such lunatic, but he is nice
oh man.. I dont know what to do to get at least a english's lesson with you,
oh babe, I got all your information,your email,your address , you phone number and where you work,
but I wont do anything, I know ...
waiting in vain, hoping a accident... a beautiful accident.

my ex-boyfriend asked me to come back to Peru,
to married and have a nice life,
but he's like those old broken toys which dont make you fun anymore,
my ex-fiance is bleeding ...
his beautiful eyes made in India are losing their brightness,
honey, Im so sorry ... I can't do anything for you anymore...
because you couldnt do anything for me

catch my butterflies
why if have to be too hard,
if Im not the prettiest and smartest woman in this jungle,
see out side.. these blonde bitches are screaming too much,
they like to do everything in the living room to dont miss their charming prince
while Im in my room 25 taking my garbage back....

I got a warning in my morning job,
they found hair in the floor,
I couldnt tell this to him ....
I know that you gonna disappoint me
why I can't do it like everyone else does it
why the life used to be easier
taking the bus to don't miss the art history class,
why Im not dancing in El Mirador tonight ...
or reading a big book under the trees,
when I gonna take the plane or find another way to be free again...

Anyway, Im so happy,
because today I bought a frappucino grande in starbucks,
and he bought something to reduce pain,
give me all your bad jokes to smile while
the fan is running over your bed...

I remember what I said yesterday.
yes, I do
bring me something good to eat tonight, please.
and keep a date with me tonight,
call to your work and say that you are sick
invite me a chai tea in the Nepal's cafe
...you know how to find me.





2/7/10

you are not my hero anymore


los centros de rehabilitación quebraron el día de anteayer,
y es que el amor parece que otra vez no llegó,
o quizás sólo se fue, sólo se fue ...
y yo ya no estoy tan tonta como irme a mochilear con extraños.
siento, lo siento ... si es que soy cortante por el teléfono últimamente ...
siento, lo siento ...pero yo no tengo más que dar, porque ya todo lo perdí...
pretender que me llamas desde a la vuelta de la esquina,
it's kind of sad ... kinda sad ...

Y además, you are not my hero anymore...
y aunque la cárcel, el hambre y el frio te hicieron decir
thousend of apologies ...
pero es que nunca nadie me enseñó a disculpar ...
I don't know how to forgive...
I hate your alcoholic days on mondays
ur $5 of cigarrettes daily
the matress of that laundry room,
I hate your lazy summer
and your fuckín camping pictures
Nunca tienes buenas ideas,
y tu musica india me parece ridícula y cursi ...
you are not my hero anymore...
you left me alone in this fuckin blue mountain,
without my soul and with your fuckin empty credit card...
I prefered to eat 79 cents noodles soup to spend 20 dollars per day to hear your voice everysingle day ...
I crossed whole american northwest alone in a uncomfotable bus ... while every step was a posibility to be catch for inmigration's kops ...

Pero aqui estoy ...
respirando ... de alguna forma lo sigo haciendo,
y no lo entiendo,
trying to be a mexican slave working as a housekeeper in the mornings, under the fuckin sun, pushing a fuckin heavy car without any help, because Im peruvian and mexican helps only each other... and Sometimes I just want to say to my manager "oh man .. Im not a fuckin animal like them... Im not like that puertorican junkie girl without ambitious .........I wasnt born to be like this, I dont have years of experience cleanning toilets or making beds like them... I wont die doing this, man"

a waitress in the evenings where I have to smile while my heart is losing its feelings ...walking at night crossing the trees .. I know those bears are looking me ... I know they want to eat me , because my chelit0's t-shirt smell food.

so what you want me to say when you call me every single night at 12am, when you woke me up then I lost 1 hour of my sleep ... "te amo" ... a "te amo" is not enough to heal all this pain...
this pain of my back,
of my legs,
my shoulders, my neck, my foot, my head ...


Pero es que me metí al centro de rehabilitación equivocado,
traté de ser justa con los demás... y I forgot myself ...
no quise más mentiras,
hasta I quited alcohol ...
and I didnt want to smoke that shit anymore ...
because I wanted to be something good ...

Anteayer ... compré un white zinfandel,
anteayer regresé a esa incertidumbre deliciosa de años atrás,
anteayer las miradas volvieron a ser bellas y atrapables,
y me deje caer como ese vino que yo misma me servia en la copa que me encontre en esas trhift store o cómo se escriba ...
volvi a mis adicciones, ... a esa sonrisa ebria que se atreve a volar en cualquier lugar que le den alas ...
y no sé si estas cosas son por cosas del destino ...
pero esas cosas que algunos no las llaman por su nombre me encontraron,
no es sólo esta adicción a la afección,
es esta manía por esos seres delicadamente bellos por la tragedia,
inteligencia traidas por las marcas en el cuerpo,
comentarios diferentes....
el vino me lleva, mañana un jack daniels...
and I dont mind ...
because la virgen de Guadalupe sabe que soy muy buena...
yeah... she knows that Im so good.










20/3/10

your green letter



milk? did you say that I smell like a cat?
big lips? why you are not sleeping?
dance? why are you not here to be my partner?
jealous? can I kill all of those american bitches?
smart? do you know that Im so stupid in english?
art? how many times did I draw your face?
dreams? do you know that YOU are the best one?
cute stomache? because of you!!!
spanglish? how did you understand all those bullshits which I said when I was so angry?
knowledge? ¨I know that I don't know¨ ??
MY STOMACHE IS NOT CUTE!!!
words? A.K.A ¨do not think before to talk¨
politeness? are you still thinking about that while Im drunking rum?
patience? what about those days when I just wanna something sweet?
eating manners? hahahahahahaha
duck walking? ... did you see how you walk?
fights? ... that's the best way to spend our lifes ...
make love? ... nothing has more fire than you...
honest? you taught me ...
ass? ...
cook? do not see me while Im doing that
food? do not lie me
perfum? ... Coco mademoiselle of Channel x)
care for everything? ... obssesion
how I love you???????????????????????????
MUCHO! MUCHO! MUCHO!

etc? as some histories, the our one doesnt have end...

with love,
CocoPUFF!!!
(the best alias that I'd gotten )




27/2/10

Phoebe in Wonderland


Cuantas vueltas tuvimos que dar, para darnos cuenta q la tierra es redonda, muy redonda.
tu no entenderas de esas cosas, querido...porque necesitas pasar hambre 50 mil veces mas, necesitas sentir un frio de 12 grados farenheit, necesitas mirar una multitud de ojos sin rostro, si , si , como la cancion de Billy Idol, muchas veces y muchas mas.
Ahora, tengo una voz que me habla 15 minutos al dia, y mi esperanza me mira con esa mirada divina, que me muestra un paraiso del 3er mundo, y como dicen q perdonar es algo divino, me perdone, y yo se que ya no abran mas platos que quebrar, ni en las mentes de inocentes, ni en las cabezas de esos villanos que caminan sin alma por las calles, muy seguros y elegantes de que la tierra firme siempre va estar. Porque, miamor...el mundo es redondo.
Y si me dices demente, nunca importara...puedes quedarte en la cama y no saber absolutamente nada sobre los dinasaurios que estan afuera. Porque lo unico que se extinguio fue ese fantasma vacio en mi que no sabia a done iba.
Y nadie habla de corazones dibujados, flores y biblias. Esto esta muy arriba que si no subes desde al fondo nunca llegaras. Es energia divina, fuerza y amor, lo que me hace levantarme cada dia y sentir que todo todo vale mucho la pena!

4/2/10

21 questions

Era nuestro viernes de gloria, honey
y ellos te llevaron, sin saber absolutamente nada...
you know, mi mente habia olvidado muchas cosas..
qué realmente hiciste, miamor?

Encontré una vela en una tienda mexicana,
tiene la imagen de una mujer muy sagrada...
Patrick sueña diariamente que aun está en Irak matando niños,
y me dio un rosario de plata, con las bolitas de color purpura...
Anna lee sus libros de ciencia ficción y yo me pregunto
cuándo terminará toda esta realidad...

Te vi la semana pasada a través de un vidrio,
y recordé lo mal que ponen tus labios y tus ojos made in India.
Me miraste sin parmadear durante 30 minutos...
y el policia queria botarme porque I was swearing so much
te lo digo en español, en tamil that Im love with you ...
cómo puedes entenderme tan bien,
yo sé ... yo entiendo ...
you dont mind about that ...
Tú sabes, honey that I will follow you anywhere in the world,
porque Te Amo, Balaji ...Nan Unnei Kadhalikeran





24/5/09

Im the walrus

Lima doesnt say goodbye,
los poderes mágicos de la hada madrina
en las profundidades de mi humanidad
ella grita "anything! anything!"
Cómo pudo no dejar rastro y no voltear atrás?
si cuesta mucho ver a un pedacito de cielo desesperarse,
las manos desaparecen, y se me van las ganas ...
cuánto peligro podría ser irse a otro continente,
y olvidarme de todos los rostros mojados y rabiosos,
indiferentes . . .
es que laberinto se apellida Seralathan
y yo soy un astronauta que me lanzo hacia
lugares fuera del sistema solar,
y Lima parece decir Goodbye